Shuffle
by DiscordianSamba
Summary: He knew that unless he'd picked up one hell of a sleepwalking habit without knowing, that he had no business being in Kazuha's room first thing in the morning, much less any business being in Kazuha's bed. Since he wasn't yet a dead man, something had to have been wrong.
1. Shuffle

**AN** : Ah yes, the bodyswap, the most classic of all hijinks, and one of my personal favorites. This is a fill for a prompt that I got on tumblr! While this is a oneshot, it's left open ended, so I might come back to this one day if I ever get an idea of something to write for it. Don't consider it any kind of serious multi-chapter fic though, because it's not going to be that.

I've been tinkering with this off and on for the past few weeks actually, and since I'm currently on vacation and not quite in the mood to work on any of my serious multi-chapter fics, I decided to finally finish this up instead and go ahead and post it. Hope everyone has just as much fun reading this as I did writing this!

* * *

 **Shuffle**

* * *

He knew something was wrong from the very moment he woke up.

He'd spent enough time over at Kazuha's place growing up to have virtually memorized what her bedroom ceiling looked like- even the fresh coat of paint it had gotten since he visited last wasn't enough to fool him. He _also_ knew that unless he'd picked up one hell of a sleepwalking habit without knowing, that he had no business being in Kazuha's room first thing in the morning, much less _any_ business being in Kazuha's bed.

For one thing, if Kazuha woke up to find him lying next to her, no amount of excuses would keep him from being a dead man, which he wasn't. Though judging from the current circumstances, it seemed as if he might not have quite escaped such a fate just yet.

Because that? That definitely was _not_ his hand.

Even as a phone started ringing on the nightstand- Kazuha's ringtone, he knew it well- Heiji could only grumble, wanting nothing more than to close his eyes and go back to sleep. This very well could still be some kind of weird dream, even though all of his senses were informing him that probably wasn't the case, however bizarre the situation he'd landed himself in was. He was half tempted to do just that, keen on pulling up the covers to drown out the sound of the phone, before he slowly realized that not only was that Kazuha's ringtone, but it was also the ringtone that she had set for _him_.

And since _he_ sure as hell wasn't anywhere remotely close to his own cellphone at the moment, that left only one option.

Groaning to himself, mentally noting that that was definitely _not_ his own voice, Heiji reached out an all too pale hand, picking up Kazuha's cellphone and finally answering the call. The person on the other end of the line piped up before he even so much as had a chance to say anything.

"Ya finally picked up, Heiji!"

 _That_ , on the other hand, was very much his voice.

"How long were ya plannin' on sleepin' when there's an emergency like this, ya _idiot_!?"

Groaning again, Heiji let his head fall back on the pillow- or he supposed in truth, it wasn't so much his own head, as it was _Kazuha's_. It was probably a good thing he was still half asleep, since hearing the sound of his own voice yelling at him from the other end of the line would have been too much to process all at once.

"I just woke up, give me a break, Kazuha." Mentally noting that it was with Kazuha's voice that he spoke now, Heiji groaned, forcing himself up into a sitting position. The lure of the pillow was too tempting, and unlike himself, Kazuha was not really a morning person. "What if one of my parents overhears ya screamin'?"

"Ya sound like yer takin' this development well, Heiji." Kazuha noted, with an incredulous tone that sounded downright out of place on his own voice. "Fer all we know, we might be _stuck_ like this, so ya'd think ya would try an' panic a bit more here."

"I'm still half asleep, that's why." Heiji told her, swinging his feet out of her bed. "I'll panic more when I'm a bit more awake. When did ya go ta sleep last night anyways, Kazuha? I'm wiped."

"A little past one. I was busy with somethin'." Kazuha recounted for him, before she quickly recalled the far more important subject at hand. "More importantly, don't ya dare touch anythin' until I get over there, Heiji! I'll be comin' right away!"

"Ya plannin' on bringin' me over here in my pajamas? I wouldn't mind, but I don't know how ya'd feel, paradin' down the street in nothin' but a tank top and some boxer shorts." Heiji pointed out, letting out a loud yawn. Usually he'd already be wide awake at this point- no wonder Kazuha was so much more hyped up about this than he was.

As sunlight caught on the mirror that had been set on the closet door in front of the bed, Heiji turned his attention towards it. Though he had already pretty much confirmed it, seeing Kazuha's reflection stare back at him was overall, very strange. Sticking out his tongue, and watching the Kazuha reflected in the mirror make the same expression, Heiji let out a long sigh.

Suffice to say, this was _not_ how he had been planning on starting the day.

"...I'll change." The sound of his own voice almost meekly muttering those words was strange to his ears, to the point where he was almost glad when it's current owner snapped at him again. "I'll change, so don't ya dare touch a thing till I get over there, ya understand, Heiji?! Not a thing!"

"I get it, I get it." Reaching up a hand, Heiji used his free hand to rub the back of his neck, still glowering at the reflection the mirror was showing him. It was an expression entirely unsuited to Kazuha's face, but like hell he was going to stop making it. "Put some faith into me, ya idiot."

"Don't forget it!"

With that, the other end of the line went dead, leaving Heiji to stare at the phone in his hands. Kazuha's phone, in Kazuha's hands. There was no way he could ever mistake them for those of his own- skin color aside, the long, slender fingers were very much not things that belonged to him. Not to mention the lack of the calluses he'd gained from years of kendo practice, not to mention the missing scar on his right hand.

Kazuha's hands, Kazuha's face, Kazuha's body.

"What the hell kinda joke is this?" Leaning his head back against the headboard of Kazuha's bed, Heiji closed his eyes, hoping that maybe when he opened them again, he'd wake up from this strange dream. He still couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how something like this had happened- had he set off some kind of weird flag somewhere?

But well... he guessed if it were possible for someone his own age to turn back into a child, then switching bodies with your own childhood friend maybe wasn't such a stretch.

It was that thought that had him snapping his eyes open, all but jolting awake all at once. If Kudo tried calling him now, not knowing that the person on the other end of the line _wasn't_ him, then...

 _Crap_.

He had to do something about this fast, or he was going to end up blowing a lot more this week than just his confession. And if he couldn't find a way to fix this, then he might have no choice but to warn Kudo about what had happened, before he went and blew his own secret without knowing it.

Which meant...

Catching another glimpse of Kazuha's face in the mirror, Heiji could only heave a long, exasperated sigh, hoping that he would be able to find a solution to this matter quickly. Because he'd really rather avoid having to deal with what he was almost _certain_ his rival's reaction would be- provided he could even manage to convince him that he was telling the truth.

But there was no point in worrying about that just yet. For all he knew, all they needed to do to fix the problem was bash their heads together, or maybe fall down a flight of stairs or something. That was how it always worked in this kind of story, right? It might even be over in the span of a day, and by the time they woke up tomorrow, they would be back to normal.

Spending one day as each other probably wouldn't be _that_ bad. That would only be for one day though- if this stretched out beyond that, well...

Well, even if it did, he'd figure it out. While the body he was currently inside was not that of his own, it didn't make him any less of a detective. There was no point in throwing in the towel without first trying, and as much as he was in love with her, he really had no desire to spend the rest of his life _as_ Kazuha.

And while she might have been using his voice, it wasn't that hard to tell that Kazuha probably felt exactly the same way.

* * *

It wasn't going to go away on it's own.

Nearly four days had passed since the two had woken up in the other's body, and though they had tried various methods to switch back, nothing had come of it other than bumped heads and bruised knees. Nor had they, at any point in time, woken back up in the correct body. As such, as the fourth morning of their swap began, it looked as if they needed to start preparing to be in this for the long haul.

Which included deciding who to tell, and who to keep it a secret from.

"No. No, _no_ , _**no**_. There's _no way_ we're tellin' him." Narrowing his eyes, Heiji could only glower up at his own face, for once finding himself grumbling about how needlessly _tall_ he was. Fat lot of good it did him when he wasn't the one in there. "We're not tellin' yer old man either. He's definitely goin' ta try an' kill me if he knows!"

"It won't be that bad, Heiji." Kazuha tried to convince him, her words sounding strange when spoken with his own voice, though she'd gotten somewhat used to it coming out when she spoke. "Besides, do ya really think we can keep it from them forever?"

They were already suspicious enough as it was already- their efforts in trying to keep everything under wraps were already starting to wear thin.

" _Yes_." The answer was quick and blunt, even if he wasn't fully convinced of it. If his father were to find out about something like this... he didn't even _want_ to know what that old man's reaction would be. "Tellin' our moms is one thing, but our dads don't need ta know!"

Somehow, Kazuha's glower was even more impressive than that of his own, Heiji couldn't help but mentally note. Still, in the end, she let out a long sigh, placing her hands on her hips- or rather, those that would have been his own. "Alright, alright. Fer now, we won't tell them. But they're goin' ta get suspicious eventually Heiji, especially if ya keep carryin' on the way ya are now."

"What do ya mean?" A tight frown setting itself on what was his face for the moment, Heiji returned Kazuha's glower, to the best of his ability. " _I_ think _I've_ been doin' pretty well, all thing considered!"

"It's that, it's that!" Heaving another sigh, Kazuha placed a hand on her head, feeling a vague headache coming on. "Ya make a lousy girl, Heiji. Fer starters, I don't refer ta myself usin' _ore_. If ya don't cut that out soon, then people are goin' ta start thinkin' I'm weird! Not ta mention the way ya sit, an' yer body language... it's all a mess!"

"Well sorry!" Folding his arms in front of his chest, he froze for a moment, still not having quite gotten to the point where he could fully process the softness they backed up against. "In case ya haven't noticed, I'm a _guy_. I've heard ya use _atashi_ sometimes too, ya know."

"Well right now, yer _me_ , so ya'd better try a little harder ta act like it." Kazuha pointed out. "Ya've got a point there though, I'll admit that, but I haven't slipped up half as much as ya have."

"Fine, fine, _I'll_ try harder." At the glower he caught from Kazuha then, he could only flinch, realizing that he had made another mistake. Letting out a long sigh, his shoulders slumping, his gaze flickered away from her, a hint of red on his cheeks. ".. _.I'll_ try harder."

"That's more like it!" With a bright smile on what would be his own face that was definitely that of Kazuha's own, she nodded her head. "Now then, are ya sure about tellin' Ran-chan an' Conan-kun? I'm okay with it, but ya seemed awfully insistent about it earlier. Why?"

"Ah, well..." Starting at the question, now averting his eyes from her for real, Heiji could only sweat. "T-that's because of Neechan, ya know! If she thinks I'm you an' does somethin' around me that she might regret, there might be problems right? I don't want ta put her in an embarrassin' situation, an' it's not like we can just cut contact with them!"

There was no way he could tell her the _real_ reason.

Something was fishy here, Kazuha couldn't help but think, watching what would have been her own face take on a flustered expression at the question. It was one that she knew well on Heiji's own face, but when the one wearing it was her, she couldn't help but feel strangely embarrassed.

Still, well... he did have a point.

"Then, we'll tell 'em this weekend, when we heard up there." Kazuha said finally. "Fer all we know, things might have sorted themselves out by then."

"Let's hope." Heiji said, unable to help but grin. "It kind of feels like we took bein' handcuffed ta each other ta a whole new level."

Unable to help herself, Kazuha let out a loud snort.

* * *

He laughed.

Bust a gut, really.

Convincing him hadn't been that easy, but once he had, he'd burst out into a fit of laughter so loud, that it had very quickly startled him. He could only hope that things were going a bit easier over on Kazuha's side, since they had decided to divide and conquer when it came to telling them.

Still though, this damn guy... was it really that funny?!

"What are ya laughin' so much fer, Kudo?!" His displeasure came out all the sharper with Kazuha's voice, and for once, he almost enjoyed having it. "This is a serious situation!"

"Sorry, sorry, it's just..." Somehow managing to catch his breath and gasp out some words besides that, Conan had to bite down on his tongue to keep from laughing again the moment his eyes met with the green of Kazuha's. "You're _Hattori_."

While there was still no small part of him that was reeling at the implications of this, even that part of himself couldn't deny that the situation was kind of hilarious. There was no way it was a lie, either- if it were, then not only had Heiji blurted out his secret to Kazuha at some point, but she was also one hell of an actress. Granted, he couldn't even begin to fathom how something like swapping bodies was even possible, but he guessed in that regard, he didn't have too much of a leg to stand on.

He'd noticed it when they had first walked in the door, that something was wrong with the Osakan duo. It wasn't just the fact that Heiji had made a beeline for Ran, and that Kazuha had made a beeline for him, but there had been other tells as well- namely that of their body language. If it had been masked somewhat before, it was now on full display- once they were alone together, Heiji had given up on any pretense of pretending to be Kazuha.

The exterior might be that of Toyama Kazuha, but the contents were none other than Hattori Heiji- what a sight!

"If it wasn't, ya'd have a tough time explaining why yer callin' me by that name." Heiji pointed out, quirking a brow. "Ya done laughin' at me already, Kudo? An' here I thought ya might want ta help, seein' as Kazuha an' I have been like this fer darn near a week now."

"C'mon, you have to admit, it's a _little_ funny." Conan told him, finally drawing in a much needed long breath, steadying himself a little. "But you're right, sorry. It's already been a week?"

"Yeah." Letting out a long sigh, Heiji rubbed the back of his neck, an irritated expression still lingering on his face. He knew that Kudo was going to react that way, the asshole- and it would seem that his expectations had not failed him. "We just woke up like this back on last Saturday. We've been managin' ta make do somehow since then, but let me tell ya Kudo, it isn't easy!"

By the time they had broken the news to their mothers, it would seem that they had already pretty much figured them out. It was a damn near miracle that nobody else had done the same.

"An' besides, ya should be at least a little grateful ta me." Heiji told him, narrowing his eyes. " _Kazuha's_ the one with my phone right now, so just imagine if ya called her, an' started goin' on about Hattori this, Hattori that. Yer cover would have been blown right away!"

Freezing for a moment, as if he hadn't considered that, Conan could only feel a great sense of relief that he had in fact, not called Heiji during the duration of the past week. He'd certainly come close to it, and could only be grateful that various circumstances had ended up preventing it.

"W-well, usually one wouldn't think something like body swapping was possible, right?" Conan finally piped up, already mentally kicking himself as the line came out of his mouth, since he already knew what Heiji's retort would be.

"I don't want ta hear that from _mister sixteen goin' on six_." Somehow it sounded all the more biting when spoken with Kazuha's voice, Conan noted. "Well, I guess this puts us both in weird situations though."

"Fair point." Conan admitted, deciding to bite back a comment that Heiji's situation was arguably the weirder. "And? How are you holding up, Hattori?"

"It could be worse, I guess." Heiji admitted with a shrug. "At least it's Kazuha. Cause lemme tell ya Kudo, as it turns out, bein' a girl is a right pain in the ass. Not ta mention that I haven't even figured out how this happened ta us in the first place, so as far as fixin' us goes, I don't even know where ta start."

"That would complicate things." Conan noted, finding himself carefully studying the person before him. Toyama Kazuha's body and Hattori Heiji's body language were a strange mix, and now that he had calmed down a little, it was starting to bug him. "That's... really _you_ in there, huh, Hattori?"

"What, the reality just finally sinkin' into ya after all that laughing from before?" Heiji asked, before letting out another long sigh, kneeling down in front of him. "I might look real cute right now, but I can assure ya, inside I'm still the same Hattori Heiji as I ever was."

"Cute, huh?" Conan asked, arching his brows, before he let out a small snort. "So? What do you plan on doing about this? From the sound of it, it doesn't seem like this is going to wear off on it's own."

"Doesn't seem like it." Heiji mused, letting out a long sigh. Resting his elbow on his knee, he leaned his chin into his hand, wondering if he'd get used to how soft they felt sooner or later. It sounded like such a cliche, but really, everything kind of felt soft. "If I can't find a way ta fix this, I don't know what I'll do. I said I wanted ta be _with_ Kazuha forever, not live _as_ her."

"I guess confessing to her is off the table for the moment, huh?" Conan couldn't help but ask, almost half regretting the question the moment Heiji fixed a glower on him.

"Yer damn right it is." Heiji told him flatly. "There's no way I could do somethin' like that now. Not when I'm her, an' well... she's _me_."

* * *

As one would expect, not only did Ran have an easier time believing it, but her reaction involved no laughter whatsoever. She had been rather curious when Heiji had pulled her aside that morning, seeing as he usually made a beeline for Conan whenever he came to visit, but as soon as it was explained to her, she quickly understood why it was that things had seemed so off this time around.

"K-Kazuha-chan? That's really you, Kazuha-chan?"

"It's me." Giving her what she could only hope was her best imitation of her own smile- Heiji's mouth seemed rather predisposed to set itself in his signature grin, whether she wanted it to or not, Kazuha let out a slight breath. "Right now, Heiji should be tellin' Conan-kun more or less the same thing. Still don't see why we couldn't do it together, though."

He had seemed rather insistent on that as well, come to think of it. He could be a weird guy sometimes, that Heiji. Thinking of that only made her grumble, though she managed to keep that internal- she didn't want Ran to think she was mad at her, or anything. She didn't know if she was more annoyed that all of that eccentricity was packed into her body now, or because she was the one who was going to have to try and imitate him, but either way, neither thought pleased her.

"But how did...?" Trailing off a little, Ran quickly shook her head, rethinking her question. "Are you okay, Kazuha-chan? I mean, you're..."

"In a guy's body?" Kazuha finished for her, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, at the very least it's _Heiji's_ , so it could be worse. It's definitely a weird feelin' though. Hearin' his voice whenever I try an' say anythin' is the probably worst of it, though I'm gettin' used ta it."

"Ah, that's true." Ran mused. "I wouldn't like it either, but if it was with Shinichi..." Trailing off there a little, Ran felt her cheeks heat up a bit, quickly coughing into her hand to try and cover it up. It was too late though- it was obvious that Kazuha had already caught where her mind went to, she could tell that much in her eyes.

Though seeing as said eyes actually belonged to Heiji, seeing that familiar glint reflected back in them was somewhat awkward. Even if it did serve to help her recognize her friend a bit better within his body. She believed her, of course, there was no reason not to, but in truth, she was still having a bit of trouble fully grasping it.

"Don't act like you haven't." Ran huffed, half averting her gaze from her. "I know you well enough to know that."

"Ah, well that..." Letting out a nervous laugh, Kazuha could only tuck her hands into her pockets, suddenly not sure of what to do with them. "I might have, just a little. But the guy walks around half naked so often anyways, it wasn't like there was that much ta be left ta the imagination!"

Besides, she was pretty sure Heiji had done the same to her, as much as she had warned him against it. If that was how it was going to be, then two could play at that game!

"Eh? Hattori-kun does things like that?" Ran asked, before pausing, considering her own words. "I guess that _would_ explain that one time a bit."

"One time?" Blinking a little, her words more than piquing her curiosity. "What do ya mean by that one time?"

"Ah, that one time on the boat, you know." Ran said almost absently, before she realized that she was not actually speaking to the real Heiji, and therefore, the person inside might have no idea what she meant. "When he fell into the ocean. He was complaining about how he had to take off all of his clothes aside from his boxer shorts, and just kind of showed them to me, probably without thinking."

"He did, did he?" Heaving a long sigh, Kazuha folded her arms in front of her chest, shaking her head. "Sorry about that, Ran-chan. Though I'm guessin' if it was Kudo-kun who'd done it, ya wouldn't be havin' any complaints, would ya?"

"Geez, don't tease me!" Ran protested, puffing out her cheeks. "But you're right."

"See, I knew it!" A bright grin on her face, Kazuha nodded her head. There was some part of her that was aware how strange this looked when her exterior was that of Heiji, but well... at the very least, around Ran, she wanted to be able to act a bit like her usual self. She wasn't able to as often as she liked anymore, and while the same could be said for Heiji, she had put in a fair bit more effort than him at it.

Trying to pretend to be Heiji around those they hadn't told could be rather exhausting, especially when she had to cover for him on top of everything else. Though he had promised to be a little more careful about not making obvious mistakes, Heiji was Heiji, even when he wasn't, and he always was the type for whom old habits died hard.

Letting out a faint laugh, Ran could only smile. The outside might be different, which was a bit awkward, but inside, it was the same Kazuha as always. Still, that said, this was going to take a bit of getting used to.

"But what are you going to do, Kazuha-chan?" Ran asked, quickly getting them a bit back on topic. "You said that it's already been a week, right?"

"Yeah, more or less." Kazuha told her, shrugging her shoulders. "The worst part is tryin' ta pretend that I'm actually this _idiot_ , especially when I have ta clean up his own messes left an' right. He doesn't even make a convincin' girl, much less a convincin' _me_. At this rate, we're gonna be exposed in no time."

"Mm, I guess he wouldn't." Ran remarked. "But you're right, that could cause a few problems in the future. Do you want me to help? Between the two of us, I'm pretty sure we could manage to whip him into shape in no time!"

"Oh, would ya?" Perking up at the offer, Kazuha could only grin. "That would be a big help, Ran-chan!"

* * *

"...Are you okay, Hattori?"

"Y-yeah. I just kinda. Got a bit of a chill fer some reason."


	2. Good News, Bad News

**AN** : Oh hey, more of this silly bodyswap thing! Dabbling with it a bit before I move on to working on the next chapter of The Bells Chime Beyond. Except more actual antics in the future from this! As always, thanks for reading!

It is to my great regret that I cannot properly convey in English that Heiji is mostly using 'atashi' to refer to themselves throughout the fic, but alas. Ran and Kazuha's training was Effective, to say the least.

* * *

 **Good News, Bad News**

* * *

"So, this is the place you failed to confess to Kazuha?"

"Do _really_ have ta put it that way? It just didn't work out, that's all!" Narrowing his eyes, Hattori Heiji cast a rather annoyed glower down towards his shrunken friend. "An' I don't really see what this has ta do with my current problem at all."

"Because if we're speaking of curses, it sounds to me like it would be pretty likely you'd pick one up at a shrine." Edogawa Conan noted, merely arching a brow. "Especially since you failed to confess for what, the sixth time, at a shrine dedicated to a god well known for granting good luck in love, at that. It's almost like you were begging for trouble, Hattori."

"No," as a smug smirk spread out across his face, Conan pitched his voice up, the childish tone of it not matching his expression at all, "...I suppose I should say _Kazuha-neechan_ , right?"

"Listen here-!" Inwardly wincing at the way his voice pitched up with annoyance- or to be more precise, it was _Kazuha's_ voice, really, Heiji could only continue to glower at his friend. "Just because I look like her right now, doesn't mean ya have ta call me by her name, least not when we're alone! It's not like I intend ta _stay_ like this, either."

"I was only just teasing." Conan noted, seemingly satisfied. "Still, let's hope there's really a way to switch the two of you back. I don't think this is something that we can get Haibara to make an antidote for, unfortunately."

"Still don't even know what this somethin' is." Heiji grumbled, a hand straying up behind his neck, finding himself falling into old habits even in a different body. The feeling of Kazuha's ponytail dancing against the back of his hand was new though, and honestly, it tickled a bit. "Why ya seem so sure it's a curse, Kudo? Thought ya thought that sort of thing was phony."

"Because other than someone _literally_ taking your brains out of your heads and switching them, it's literally the _only_ thing I can think of to explain this." Conan told him bluntly. "I don't care for it either, Hattori, but you know how it goes."

"Yeah, yeah, that Holmes quote of yers ya like ta parrot all the time." Folding his arms in front of his chest, Heiji let out a long sigh. "I get it, I get it. Still don't get what it has ta do with the shrine, though."

"Were you listening to _anything_ I was saying earlier?" Conan asked. "I see being in Kazuha-chan's body hasn't made you any better at listening."

"I _was_ listenin'!" Heiji protested, narrowing his eyes. "I just wanna know why ya didn't have Kazuha an' Neechan come here with us."

"I thought the two of them could spend some time together, some girl's time." Conan told him with a shrug. "Though I guess _technically_ , only one of them is a girl right now."

"Bet that's gotta look weird from an outsider's point of view." Heiji mused, letting out a long sigh. "Well, whatever. Let's just get this over with Kudo. Though even if I say that, I'm not even sure what it is that I'm supposed ta be lookin' fer here."

"I don't either." Conan confessed. "For the moment, why don't we ask around? If this place really is connected to your current condition, there might be something that the priest or the staff can tell us."

"I guess yer right." Heiji said, before he cast a skeptical glance down towards Conan. "But not a peep about why we're askin', ya got that, Kudo? The less people know about this, the better."

"Most people wouldn't believe it anyways." Conan told him. "I still half can't myself."

"Well, glad _I_ managed ta convince ya somehow anyways." Heiji noted, moving to tuck his hands into his pockets, before pausing, a deep frown on his features. "How the hell does Kazuha ever _fit_ anythin' in these?"

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to familiarize yourself with the mysteries of women later, Hattori." Conan noted, before casting another glance back up at his friend. He wasn't lying when he claimed that he still couldn't half believe it- were it not for the fact that the posture was more akin to what he was used to seeing from Heiji, it would have been hard for him to believe that the one inside wasn't actually the real Toyama Kazuha.

But well... then again, he supposed he didn't really have the right to complain. He was, after all, several feet shorter than he was supposed to be himself.

"But you know, you've been doing better about that since then." Conan said, not missing the faint shudder that mention of the incident brought to Heiji. "Minding what language you use, that is."

"I don't want ta hear that from the person who _abandoned_ me ta that!" Heiji protested, wincing at the way his voice pitched up. "Don't think I'll be forgettin' that anytime soon, Kudo!"

"Sorry, sorry." Holding up his hands, Conan took a step back. Somehow, when in Kazuha's body, Heiji's usual anger came across as far more intimidating. "I just kind of... didn't want to get involved in that."

"Yeah, an' ya don't know what I had ta go through because of that!" Turning sharply on his heel, Heiji took a step forward. Besides, it wasn't as if he had been so bad about it that he had required them to go that far! What if it became a habit even after they changed back? "Ya comin' or what, Kudo?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm coming." Nodding his head, Conan fell into step. Heiji might have shorter legs now than usual, but they were still far longer than those of his own. "Well, I joked about it, but hopefully this is something that we can sort out quickly enough, Hattori. I'd hate for you to have to spend six months like this. Not to mention poor Kazuha-chan."

There was a slight pause then, as Conan watched Heiji's shoulders slump, a bit of anger washing out of them. He probably wasn't really that mad at him to begin with anyways. He could understand it, more than a little- nobody liked being thrown into a situation in which everything was unfamiliar to them. At least he had the benefit of knowing how it had happened, if not how to fix it, not exactly.

Not that he would begrudge Heiji at all for it if they did figure it out today. He wasn't that small a person.

Even if well... he was actually _literally_ pretty small right now.

* * *

"You want to know the legends about this shrine?"

"Yes, if that's not too much trouble." Eyes darting down towards Conan, wondering why _he_ had to be the one to ask about this, Heiji did his best to put on what he could only hope was a disarming smile. Surely there was nothing odd about what appeared to be a girl, at least on the surface, asking for legends as they related to a shrine, right?

Especially not one that was rumored to have the ability to ensure that lovers who confessed here stayed together for the rest of their lives- that was the sort of thing girls ate up, right? It was part of the reason he had chosen it in the first place, and the nice scenery in the area certainly didn't hurt matters either. It _would_ have gone over well too, had it not been for a fact that a dead body had literally fallen out of a tree in the middle of his confession.

...actually, he was starting to see Kudo's point now.

"Sure, I don't mind telling you." The priest nodded his head, and Heiji almost felt a breath of relief escaping from him when the man gave him a smile. Hopefully he had something useful to say, because he'd hate to think that this trip would have been all for nothing. "But I would have thought that a young lady like yourself would have already known all about this shrine's legends. It's rather popular with girls your age, after all."

Ignoring the faint snickering that he could just barely make out coming from Conan's direction, Heiji forced the smile to stay on his face. That bastard really was having fun with this! "Oh yeah, I know about _those_ legends. I was just wonderin' if maybe there were ya know... some others, like ones that don't go around all that often."

"Other legends?" The priest frowned, thankfully more of an indication of thought, rather than finding it strange. "There are a few, I suppose. After all, this shrine has been around for quite a long time. It's only natural that it would have quite a few."

"Then, are there any about strange things happening to visitors, or something like that?" Conan piped up, deciding to throw Heiji a bone. "Kazuha-neechan is researching local legends for school, right?"

"Y-yeah, somethin' like that." Heiji said, nodding his head. "I was hopin' ta write about somethin' that's a bit less well known."

"I see." With a nod of his head, the priest gave them a look of understanding. "In that case, I have just such a legend."

"Really?" Heiji asked, hoping that he didn't come across as a bit too eager. For all he knew, this could be a dead end too. Still, Kudo was right- when it came to what could have triggered the switch, this was the most likely thing he could think of.

"Yes. It's not one that's talked about too often either." The priest said. "The deity that's worshiped here is said to be quite fond of lovers, and is known for bestowing it's blessing on them, which is why this is such a popular spot for them. And of course, young girls in love as well."

"However, on the other hand, it's not all that fond of those it feels make light out of romance." The priest told them, giving the pair a rather sage nod, entirely missing the strange glance exchanged between them. "It's known for playing tricks on those who come to the shrine and fail to bring their love to a conclusion."

"Like, say, failing to confess?" Conan piped up.

"Yes, something like that." The man said, glancing down towards him, casting a fond smile towards the child. Was he her younger brother, or something? "Or if someone comes here with less than pure intentions in mind, things of that nature."

"So say, someone who wants to do one better than their friend's confession?" Conan chimed in again, willfully ignoring the look that Heiji was sending his way.

At that, the priest could only blink, briefly wondering at the specificity of the example. "Yes, something like that would do it, I suppose. Well, as long as their feelings for the person they were confessing to were genuine, I imagine they would have some mercy on them, however I don't think such a thing would cast them in a very fond light in the god's eyes."

"Any chance ya know what kind of tricks?" Heiji finally spoke up again, tearing his eyes away from Conan. He didn't have to go and throw him under the rug like that! Sure, one might say that there were parts here and there that were less pure, but it wasn't as if his feelings for Kazuha were any less genuine because of it!

"Let's see... there's one such legend claiming that as punishment, the god swapped the souls of two young would-be lovers. Apparently the god was angry over the young man's repeated failures to confess his honest feelings to the girl he was in love with, and felt as if he were mocking them." The priest remarked, this time not quite missing the strange look that was shared between the two. Still, legends were merely legends, so he didn't dwell too much on it, even when the girl spoke up with no small degree of urgency.

"An'? Did the legend say anythin' about how they changed back?"

"If I recall..." Mulling it over, the priest went through the story in his head, before slowly nodding his head. "Ah yes, that's right. I believe, in the end, the young couple finally confessed their love to each other, which allowed them return to their own bodies, since in doing so, they calmed the god's anger."

"...by confessin'?"

The words almost came out as a squeak, something which caused Heiji to place a hand over his mouth, not even daring to look down at what kind of expression was on Conan's face at the moment. Whatever it was, he probably wouldn't like it, so he might as well save himself the grief.

"Yes, that's how the legend goes." The priest said, nodding his head. "Of course, it's simply just a legend. Something like exchanging souls couldn't happen in reality."

"Right?" Conan piped up, taking a step forward, a broad smile on his face. "Thank you, mister! You've been a big help! Right, _Kazuha-neechan_?"

With a look that said that he shouldn't argue with him, and end the conversation quickly, Heiji slowly nodded his head, forcing a smile that he didn't feel like giving on his face. Still, for the moment, he swallowed all of that back, instead nodding his head and giving the priest thanks that he really didn't feel like giving. Somehow or another, all of his limbs worked, even as he felt himself becoming intensely aware that they were in fact, _not_ his own limbs, in away that he hadn't been before.

If that legend was actually, then... that meant... no, no, there had to be another way! There just _had_ to be! Because if there wasn't, then that would mean...

Frankly, he was just amazed he even heard Conan when he finally spoke up. "It's not that big of a deal, Hattori."

"Not that big of a deal?" Snapping out of his thoughts, Heiji cast a rather intense glower down towards Conan, not even trying to reel in his temper this time. He'd barely even noticed that he'd apparently been lead to somewhere where people weren't likely to overhear them, not that it would have mattered much even if he hadn't. "Are ya _serious_ about that, Kudo? Ya heard what that guy said, didn't ya?"

"I did, but just because there's a legend..." Conan began.

"Ya were the one who said it, didn't ya?" Heiji snapped. "That we should look into the legends here, because they might provide us with a clue. Well that sounds like a pretty big stinkin' clue ta me, Kudo!"

"I'm just saying that there might be alternatives, Hattori." Conan told him, holding up his hands in an effort to calm him down a little. Well, it wasn't like he could blame him for being upset. Even if it was his plans that had gotten him into this mess in the first place, it wasn't _most_ of his mistakes were his own fault. If only he had just accepted what he had said at the bridge in the first place, then...

But wisely, he decided that now was not the time nor place for that.

"I feel like I've _tried_ all of the alternatives already, Kudo." Heiji told him, finally letting out a long sigh, feeling his shoulders slumping. Taking out his anger on him wasn't going to get him anywhere- in the end, this was a problem that he himself had caused.

Well, the dude who stuffed that corpse up the tree had helped, so it wasn't as if he were the _only_ one to blame here.

"So you're going to...?" Conan ventured, unable to bring himself to even finish that sentence. As much as he wanted to deny it, some part of him did find this amusing, almost karmic, in a way... if it weren't for the fact that it also involved Kazuha in the mess. There was also the sinking feeling that this might very well go on for much longer than he had first thought, if a confession lay at the root of solving it.

...maybe he should just get used to having Toyama Kazuha as his western counterpart from now on.

"I don't _want_ to." Heiji said directly, a rather disgruntled look settling over his borrowed face. "I think out of all people, ya should understand wantin' ta confess ta the girl ya love in yer _own_ body, Kudo. An' this... well, at least that is yer own body, just... _smaller_."

"Point taken." Conan noted. "Wouldn't it be best to just get it over with though, Hattori? Sure, confessing to Kazuha-chan while you're in her body might not be _ideal_ , but..."

" _Might_?" Heiji asked, quirking a brow. "No, I'm not givin' up! I said I was gonna confess ta her in a special way, an' I haven't lost that determination! Besides, do ya really think the god here is goin' ta be appeased by a _normal_ confession?"

"I think it would be fine..." Conan offered, already sensing that his words were going to fall on deaf ears. If this was how it was going to be, maybe he should just get Ran to convince Kazuha to spit it out already, but somehow, he got the feeling that it wouldn't work from that end.

If it even worked at all.

" _Weak_ , Kudo! Way too weak!" Folding his arms in front of his chest, Heiji shook his head. "Besides, if I have ta confess ta Kazuha while I'm in her dang body, shouldn't that be all the more reason ta try an' make it somethin' special?"

"Hattori-" Conan began again, before he heaved a sigh, sensing that he was not going to be able to convince him. Better to cut his losses while he still had the chance. "In that case, shouldn't we start thinking of something?"

"Yer right." Seemingly having resolved to accept this, at least for the moment, Heiji nodded his head, planting his hands on his hips. "But there's no _we_ , Kudo. This is somethin' I need ta think of myself."

"...right. Of course." Biting back a rather dry laugh, it was all Conan could do to mentally apologize for Kazuha. It would appear that being in a body other than his own had done no favors at all for his common sense.

Well, at least it was hard to go further down from _none_ , he supposed.

"Just ya watch, Kudo! Even like this, I'll _definitely_ give Kazuha a memory she won't forget!"

* * *

"Is something wrong, Kazuha-chan?"

"It's probably nothin'. I just got a bit of a chill, that's all."


	3. Girl's Talk

**AN** : Oh, here's the next part of this! We're back with Ran and Kazuha for this chapter, and while it's implied in the text itself, this happens concurrently alongside the events of the previous chapter! It seems like Kazuha has a rather troublesome future ahead of her, does she not?

Until next time!

* * *

 **Shuffle**

 **Girl's Talk**

* * *

"A chill?" Ran blinked, a slight frown on her face. "I hope you're not catching a cold, Kazuha-chan."

"I'm sure it's fine." Dismissing the concern out of hand, Kazuha waved it off with a smile. "If there's one good thing about this idiot's body, it's that it's pretty hardy."

"If you say so." Ran said, returning her friend's smile after a moment. It was still a bit strange to see it on Heiji's face, but she was starting to get used to this- at least a little.

Though, hopefully she wouldn't have cause to get _too_ used to things- no matter what, she wanted to see to it that Kazuha went back to her proper body as quickly as possible. It must be uncomfortable, being in a body that wasn't your own, as much as she was trying to downplay it all. Even if it was that of someone that you knew so well.

In some ways, she could only imagine that might only just make things even more awkward. Especially since the body that she had found herself in now was that of the person of she loved- and of course, that person was now residing in her own body instead.

"Yeah, I do." Kazuha said, nodding her head. "But speakin' of that idiot, I wonder if he's _really_ properly investigating the matter? Conan-kun seemed ta think that he had some kind of a lead, but..."

Trailing off, Kazuha took a sip of her drink, making a small face as she did so. She had ordered something that she had liked without thinking too much about it, without recalling that Heiji wasn't particularly fond of this type of soda. It sure was a pain, having taste buds that she wasn't used to.

"Are you sure you don't want my soda instead, Kazuha-chan?" Ran offered. "It's not a problem to me if we trade."

"It's fine, it's fine. I ordered it, so I might as well finish it." Kazuha told her, setting her drink back down, giving her friend a slightly less confident smile. "Well, at least when it comes ta food, Heiji an' I have pretty similar tastes. Drinks, though..."

Biting back a comment that she was pretty sure that Heiji could eat just about anything, regardless of _taste_ , Ran instead gave her friend another smile, nodding her head. "It must be tough, remembering stuff like that."

"Well since I've been stuck with that guy since we were in diapers, it's easier than ya might think." Kazuha noted, before heaving a long sigh, her gaze flickering down towards her hand. Lips twisting in a slight frown as she turned it over, eyes tracing the faint scar that she had bored into the back of his hand herself, she found herself sighing once more. "Still, this is more _stuck_ than I would have liked."

...and damn it all, he'd been right, too. The scar _was_ itchy.

"That's true." Ran admitted, allowing her smile to drop, if only a little. "But I'm sure that they're properly looking into it. After all, I'm sure Hattori-kun doesn't want to stay like this himself either, and I'm sure that Conan-kun will keep him on task if he gets distracted."

Provided they didn't run into some kind of case, she couldn't help but think- but she decided it was for the best she didn't voice that. She could only imagine that being in Kazuha's body now wouldn't do a single thing to stop Heiji from nosing in on one, and she could only hope that Conan would hold him back a little if they did. Still, given how Conan could act when such things came up...

...she didn't exactly have that much confidence.

"If ya ask me, he's got the better part of the bargain." Kazuha observed, leaning her chin into aforementioned hand. "He gets to be _me_ , after all."

Unable to help herself, Ran let out a faint laugh at that. "That's true. But in around a month or so..."

"Ah, that's true, that's true." Nodding her head, Kazuha couldn't help but grin. "It might almost be worth it ta have this last until he can experience of _that_."

"...though it's a little strange to hear you talk about _that_ with Hattori-kun's voice." Ran admitted after a moment, picking up her own drink and taking a sip of it. "It's a good thing that dad didn't notice anything."

"Now that ya mention it, he didn't notice a thing." Kazuha observed, leaning back in her chair, tilting her head. "I would have thought fer sure that the Sleepin' Kogoro would have noticed somethin' odd was goin' on, but I guess not. Well, we did end up spendin' the night in a hotel, after all, so it's not exactly like he had all that much time ta speak with either of us."

"It would have been fine even if you stayed at the agency, though." Ran said. "I don't think that Hattori-kun would have done anything weird."

...though now that she thought about it, perhaps it would be rude of her to subject Kazuha to her father's snoring.

"Ya say that with a lot of confidence fer a girl who was nearly flashed by him." Kazuha couldn't help but note, feeling her brow arch almost by instinct. "...though, I suppose I shouldn't talk, if we're talkin' about doin' _weird_ things."

"...well..." Trailing off a little, Ran's smile turned awkward, a faint pink tinting her cheeks. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about that here. Someone might overhear."

"It's fine, isn't it?" Kazuha asked. "That's why we went so out of the way in the first place. It's not like this is Osaka, or anythin' like that. Once ya take him out of the Kansai region, Heiji's not really all that famous."

"I'm pretty sure you'd hurt his feeling if you told him that, though." Ran said, for a moment, almost feeling a bit sorry for him. "But I guess you're right... I don't think there's anyone here who would actually recognize either of us."

To think that they had to go so far for just a simple girl's afternoon out... well, it was to be expected. When your best friend switched bodies with her male childhood friend, it was best to take precautions to avoid bothersome rumors. They had even gone out of the way to find a table at the food court where there weren't many people around, just so they could speak openly.

As much as she was currently wearing his face, calling Kazuha by Heiji's name was still really awkward.

"But are ya sure it's fine, Ran-chan?" Kazuha asked, leaning in a bit closer to her, for a moment, apparently heedless of the fact that she wasn't wearing her own face. "Don't ya think that Kudo-kun might be jealous if he heard you were hangin' out with _Hattori-kun_ like this?"

"It's not like-!" Ran protested, before puffing out her cheeks. "Geez, Kazuha-chan. You were the one who said it, didn't you? That Hattori-kun had already told Shinichi."

"Ah, I might have said that." Kazuha recalled. "But I'm amazed that guy actually believed it. He doesn't seem like the type."

"...now that you mention it, it is a little strange." Ran trailed off a little, tilting her head. "I wonder how Hattori-kun managed to convince him he was telling him the truth."

"Maybe that shared secret of theirs?" Kazuha asked, leaning back a bit, before clicking her tongue, seeming to realize something all too late. "Sorry, Ran-chan. Now that I'm thinkin' about it, I could have used this as a chance ta find out just what it is that Kudo-kun is hidin' from ya, runnin' around off who knows where without leavin' ya so much as a word as ta where he might be."

"It's fine, Kazuha-chan." Ran told her. "Besides, I don't think I'd feel very good about finding out like that. It kind of feels like I'd betrayed his trust, you know?"

"...yer really a good girl, Ran-chan." Kazuha blinked, before letting out another short sigh. "Really, yer too good fer Kudo-kun."

"You might really start rumors if you say something like that with that face, Kazuha-chan." Ran told her.

"Ya think?" Kazuha asked, not looking ashamed at all, judging from the grin on her face. "By the way, speakin' of that idiot, I wonder which of us that awful bad luck of his stuck with?"

"Mmm, well that's-"

* * *

"Me. Of course it was me."

"Now, now. We caught the culprit, so isn't that what's most important?" Ran asked, giving Kazuha a small smile.

"If ya say so, I guess it's fine." Kazuha mused, folding her arms in front of her chest and peering at the man in question. Well, it hadn't been so much of a case as it had been a _chase_ , at least- one that had abruptly ended much faster than she thought it would have. She still wasn't used to having longer legs.

...or more upper body strength. She'd really only meant to pin the guy down, but instead, she had knocked him out with one hit- it would seem that the muscles that Heiji had gained from doing kendo for so many years were nothing to sneeze it. And well... she couldn't say that she didn't like it.

Though she would have to watch it.

"Though I'm still annoyed." Kazuha admitted after a moment, a faint twitch of her eye. "Ta think that we had our important day out ruined like this!"

"There will be others." Ran reassured her, her gaze flickering behind her, lips briefly twisting into a frown. Kazuha caught her gaze, and out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that she was making much the same expression. "But for now, we should deal with the police, right?"

The awkward strain to Ran's smile was clear, and it was all Kazuha could do to let out a long sigh, her shoulders slumping. Of course it would be the usual suspects- this was still Tokyo, after all.

"What reason should we give 'em as ta why it's just us two together?" Kazuha asked.

"Don't worry, I'll come up with something." Ran told her. "I mean, I don't think rumors will spread just from Inspector Megure and the others."

"Well, that's true." Kazuha admitted, nodding her head. "But I was hopin' I wouldn't have ta act like that idiot too much today. Let me tell ya, Ran-chan, it's tirin'!"

"Well, hopefully when Hattori-kun and Conan-kun return, they'll have thought of a way to return the two of you to normal. Isn't that right-" Ran told her, her voice dropping down to a whisper as he heard the inspector call out to her. Giving her friend a wink, still thinking it was rather strange to have to look up to meet her eyes, a playful smile made it's way onto Ran's face.

While it was true that it could be awkward, but from time to time, it was also just a little bit fun to tease her with too.

"... _Hattori-kun~_?"

"Don't tease me please, _Neechan_."

"No way~!"

* * *

"So? Are you going to tell her?"

"What, an' expose everythin' just like that? No way in hell, Kudo. As far as Kazuha's concerned, we didn't figure anythin' out today."

"...you're _really_ set on this, aren't you?"

"Of course I am! Ya heard me earlier, right? If I have ta confess like this, I'm definitely gonna have it be one that'll blow Kazuha out of the water!"

Well, he could only hope that Ran and Kazuha had managed to enjoy their somewhat strange girl's day out- because from the sound of it, it looked like they had a long haul ahead of them.

It looked like he was going to get used to working together with _Toyama Kazuha_ after all.


	4. Chivalry Better Start Being Goddamn Dead

**AN** : This got written a fair bit before I thought it would, but since I was having so much trouble with the next chapter of _Collapse_ , I thought I would take a break from it to work on something a bit more simple. So I guess, you get this ahead of schedule? Anyways, it was a fun chapter to write and more or less exactly what I needed at the moment, so I hope that everyone else enjoys it as well!

Until next time!

* * *

 **Shuffle**

 **Chivalry Better Start Being Goddamn Dead**

* * *

"Have no fear, young lady," reaching out to take the slender hand in his own, Hakuba Saguru planted the faintest of kisses upon it, "...for I, Hakuba Saguru, will see to it that this frightful case is solved in a flash."

To his credit, the only reason he had allowed himself to be placed in this situation was simply that he was too shocked to move. And who could blame him? First, _Hakuba Saguru_ of all people had stolen his thunder, appearing out of seemingly nowhere to explain why this wasn't a case of suicide, and next, he was mistaking him for some kind of fragile princess?

He'd been accused of being hotblooded before, but only now was it that Heiji felt as if he could understood what was meant by the phrase _blood boiling_.

Snatching his hand back from Hakuba, an expression of pure disgust clear on his borrowed face, Hattori Heiji took a step back, fighting the urge to vomit. It wasn't a guy kissing him on the hand that he had a problem with, it was the person doing it! Who the hell did this bastard think he was, strolling up to someone he'd only met once, and getting so intimate?

...no, now that he thought about it, it was even worse than that. He'd met _Hattori Heiji_ once, sure enough- but as for _Toyama Kazuha_?

They'd never even been _introduced_.

What a creep.

"First of all, I had this situation under control long before ya decide ta waltz in like ya owned the place." He'd have to check the purse that Kazuha had thrust upon him for hand sanitizer later, because it still felt like his skin was crawling. "...an' second of all, isn't it considered polite ta ask fer a lady's name before ya start mackin' on 'em?"

Good, that left him speechless, and it was plain as day on his face. What, had this guy seriously never met a girl who had so fiercely rejected that kind of behavior? Well, even if he was only currently one by technicality, he would be more than happy to be the first.

Come to think of it, he'd treated that female detective in the same way, back on that island. In light of the fact that she had turned out to be the culprit, it was actually pretty funny.

"Ah, do pardon me." Once he finally found his voice again, Hakuba could only stammer out an apology. "In my country, I've become accustomed to-"

"This isn't yer country, is it?" Heiji asked, arching a brow. "An' what the hell are ya doin' here anyways, Hakuba? I thought ya lived in Tokyo, when ya decided ta _grace_ ," if there was one good thing about having Kazuha's voice, it was that sarcasm dripped off it stronger than that of his own, "...us with yer presence."

... _ah_.

Realizing his mistake only a second too late, upon seeing Hakuba's baffled reaction, Heiji coughed into his hand, turning sharply on his heel. Crap, that was right. He had just gotten so upset at him over it, so he couldn't believe it had slipped his mind so easily- but _Toyama Kazuha_ had no reason to know anything about him.

And that was him, right now.

"Yer that other high school detective, right?" Heiji finally asked. " _Heiji_ ," he'd only somewhat gotten over the strangeness of saying his own name like this, "...told me all about ya."

"...ah, you mean Hattori-kun?" Hakuba blinked, a look of understanding finally dawning across his face. "I have worked together with him on a case once before. If I recall, you're..."

"That's right." Planting his hands on his hips, his best estimation of what Kazuha would do in this situation, Heiji pivoted back on his heel, giving him a rather cross look. "I'm his childhood friend, Toyama Kazuha."

...man, that didn't get any less awkward either.

Still, like hell he was going to let _Hakuba Saguru_ of all people know about this, so he was just going to have to put on his best act. He couldn't help but feel almost slightly grateful about the training that Neechan and Kazuha had put him through earlier, because at the very least, he hadn't found himself slipping up on pronouns once.

...though, he supposed considering the fact that they'd never spoken before, it didn't really matter all that much. Well, whatever.

"An'?" Heiji asked, narrowing his eyes. "Heiji told me that ya live in Tokyo. What are ya doin' in Osaka, paradin' around crime scenes like ya own them?"

In hindsight, he supposed he was actually a bit out of place here himself. He'd rushed here on instinct, and had taken charge of the scene without thinking, but now that he had a moment to reflect on it, wasn't this a bit bad? Naturally, they hadn't let any members of the police force know about the swap, and now that he thought about it, Otaki had been looking at him a bit oddly earlier.

...crap. This was harder than he thought. After all, there was no way he could just ignore the murder that had happened right in front of him!

Well, it hadn't actually happened right in front of him but _pssh_ , technicalities.

Should he call Kazuha then? No, no, considering the reason that he had gone out today in the first place, if he did something like that, she might find out what he was planning. There was no point in a surprise if the target of it wasn't surprised, right? He supposed if worst came to worst, he could always pretend like got the answers from...

...himself, he supposed. Man, he would have thought that after almost three weeks, things like this would start to be a little less awkward, but it seemed as if he wasn't having much luck there. He couldn't help but wonder if _Kazuha_ was having this much trouble, same as him.

"I see, his childhood friend." Hakuba said, seeming to take all that information in without much of a second thought. "As for what brings me to Osaka today, I came with my father on a bit of business."

"Yer father?" Heiji blinked, a slight frown on his face. Now that he mentioned it, Kazuha had said something about his old man having a meeting with some other higher ups... was this what she had meant? Still, bringing his son along with him... this guy _seriously_ had some nerve, trying to claim that he was the one who got into places using his father's influence.

"Yes, my father. He's the-"

"I know who yer old man is." Heiji cut him off. "Now then, now that ya know this situation is handled, ya can move on, Hakuba."

...he probably shouldn't be calling him that, but he seriously didn't have the energy into putting any effort into thinking about what it was that Kazuha might actually call the guy.

"No, I can't just-" Hakuba began.

"Sure ya can." Heiji insisted, folding his arms in front of his chest. "There's no need fer two detectives here."

"Two...?" Hakuba blinked. "Then, is Hattori-kun somewhere around here?"

...crap, he'd done it again. "W-well, I called him, an' he said he'd be here soon, so..."

"In other words, he's not here yet." Hakuba said. "In the meantime, what is the harm if I look around the crime scene, Toyama-san? Surely it would only be a good thing if this case was closed all the sooner."

"W-well, that's..." Heiji stammered, becoming more aware than he cared for as to how high the pitch of his voice was. He couldn't deny that he had a point, but it wasn't as if he even needed to be here in the first place for the case to be closed quickly. There was already a perfectly good detective here, damnit!

But no matter how much he wanted to blurt that out, he couldn't say it. It was the first chance he'd had to solve a case since this whole mess had started, and to think that something like this had happened!

He was starting to feel like Kudo had a point about the universe hating him.

"And I can assure you, Toyama-san," Hakuba began again, the smile on his face enough to make Heiji's skin crawl- what was this guy, a host!?- "...that I will make a perfectly fine replacement for the missing Hattori-kun."

Realizing that he'd lost his chance to chase him away, all Heiji could do was a let out a long, exasperated sigh. If things had turned out this way, then he would just have to put the bastard to shame by solving the case before him- after all, this was Osaka! It was his turf! And like hell he'd concede it to anyone, especially not _Hakuba_!

"Really?" Heiji asked, arching his brows. He knew from experience what the expression his face was like now- after all, the real Kazuha had turned it on him more than his fair share of times. It was almost kind of fun, turning it on someone else like this. "But I bet I can solve this case before ya, Hakuba."

"I mean, accordin' ta Heiji, yer basically just a hack anyways." He said with a shrug, not doing anything to wipe the smug smirk of his face. He was reacting, he was reacting! This was way too amusing!

"So I bet even _I_ can do better than ya." Heiji declared, placing a hand over his heart. "Without Heiji here."

In the back of his mind, he could almost here Kudo chiding him about this not being a competition, but well... the guy wasn't actually here right now, and the mental voice was addressing _Hattori_. And since he technically _wasn't_ right now...

...well, it would be fine, wouldn't it?

* * *

"Um, Kazuha-chan...?"

If he wasn't mistaken, Kazuha wasn't listening to him at all. Heaving a sigh, Otaki Gorou could only wonder what it was that had gotten into her today, to have her fired up like this. As far as he knew, she had never been that interested in solving cases before, but today, it seemed like as if she had made it her personal mission to close this one.

He hadn't been too surprised when he had turned up at the scene to find her there, nor to learn that she had been the one who had ordered the bystanders to call the police, and had prevented anyone from entering the crime scene. She spent enough time around both crime scenes and Heiji to know the basics of crime scene preservation, so it didn't come as a surprise that in the absence of the latter, she would take charge. She had never exactly been a shy girl, after all.

It was everything _after_ that, that puzzled him so.

From what he could understand, it seemed as if Hei-chan didn't have a good impression of this young man, who had introduced himself as Hakuba Saguru, a high school detective. Otaki vaguely recognized the name, but to be honest, when it came to high school detectives, he mostly only paid attention to Hei-chan's accomplishments. To that extent, he could more or less understand that attitude that she had taken towards him, but other than that...

Without a doubt, something seemed _strange_ about Kazuha today.

No, to be fair, he'd been getting this feeling for awhile now, but it was only coming to a head today.

Clearing his throat, Otaki decided to try his luck again. "Kazuha-chan?"

"Eh?" Blinking, as if only now realizing that he was talking to her, Kazuha started. "Ah, sorry, sorry, Otaki-han. Were ya sayin' somethin'?"

"Ah, it's nothin' major." Otaki told her. "I was just wonderin' when Hei-chan is going to show up. You said you called him, didn't you?"

"...eh?" Tilting her head, Kazuha blinked, as if completely clueless as to what he meant- before it seemed to strike her all at once, after which he could have sworn that she paled. "Ah, actually, I didn't actually call him."

As if seeing the confused look on his face, she continued. "I mean, if Heiji shows up an' finds this _ass_ -" cutting herself short and forcing a smile on her face, Kazuha tried to pretend she hadn't clearly just intended to call the Superintendent's son an _asshole_ , "... _jerk_ here, there's no way it would end well, right?"

"Is their relationship really that bad?" Otaki asked with a frown. Honestly, if he didn't know any better, he'd say that _Kazuha_ was the one who had a bone to pick with him.

"Y-yeah, ya could say that." Kazuha said, nodding her head. "He said some pretty nasty things about him before, or so I heard. About usin' his father's name an' stuff."

"Ah..." A look of understanding finally dawned on Otaki's face, giving her a firm nod of his head. "It's true, that does sound like somethin' that would set Hei-chan off. He's never cared for that sort of talk."

"Right?" Kazuha said. "That's why there's no way I can call him here."

"Then, you did let him know about the case, didn't you?" Otaki asked.

"Of course I did!" Kazuha quickly promised him. "When he figures it out, I promise I'll tell ya everythin', Otaki-han, so don't worry about it so much!"

"No, I wouldn't say I'm worried, but..." Otaki trailed off, trying not to let his frown show on his face. He couldn't help but find it strange that although Kazuha had said she'd told Heiji about the case, that he actually wasn't coming here in person. In the past, when such a thing happened, he would usually come rushing right over.

...so why wasn't he now? He saw no reason for Kazuha to lie to him, but...

Something was strange here. Now that he thought about it, there was something about the way Kazuha was turning over the crime scene that almost reminded him of Heiji- but perhaps it was merely the effect of having spent so much time around him? They had, after all, grown up together since they were both very young, so it was to be expected that they would rub off on each other.

...and well, maybe it just had something to do with Kazuha's choice of a gray camo print hoodie today. In fact, he was fairly certain he'd seen that _exact_ piece in Heiji's wardrobe before.

Though the two of them sharing clothes, mostly by accident, wasn't that unusual either. Still, thus far, Kazuha had shown a keen avoidance to camo print...

"Ah, Otaki-han!"

The shining expression in Kazuha's eyes as she broke him out of his thoughts was one he instantly recognized as her having pieced something together- though strangely, he couldn't actually recall one instance of having seen said expression on her face before.

"Come here, come here!" Kazuha told him, a bright smile on her face that seemed a bit different from her usual smile. "There's somethin' here I want ta show ya! It's real interestin'!"

* * *

There was no doubt about it- this was his victory.

It wasn't like the time with Kudo, when he had allowed himself to be mislead. He wasn't about to let something like that happen again, least of all when the person who might show him up would be an insufferable half British hack of a detective. This time, Heiji knew, that he had won this match hands down, and had the evidence to back it up to.

In fact, he was so confident, that for a time, he actually forgot that he wasn't currently Hattori Heiji, high school detective of the west, but rather, was _Toyama Kazuha_ , his childhood friend. He allowed himself to get so carried away, that when he delivered his deduction, he completely forgot to even try and act as if he were reading a deduction off of his phone.

He'd no idea how it was that Kudo managed to do it, time after time. He'd have to ask him later.

But whatever! It would all be worth, when he saw the shocked expression on Hakuba's face, as he got shown up by the very _girl_ that he had been babying earlier. He didn't seem as if he would be the type to take it that-

-why was he looking at him like that? It was kind of creepy.

"I see. Truly, I have misjudged you, Toyama-san." Seriously, what was with that grin? Did he secretly have some kind of part time job as a host or something like that? What a scandal that would be.

"Oh, looks like ya can be right about some things." Heiji noted, folding his arms in front of his chest, allowing for a smug expression, even if it felt a bit forced. There was something in this guy's tone that he didn't quite like. "Well, ya know what they say about broken clocks an' all that."

He twitched at that comment, though he tried to cover it up. Figures the guy who had been so exact done to the second would be annoyed when someone compared him to a broken timepiece. He'd have to remember that for future reference- though, hopefully, it would be reference that was unneeded.

If he never saw Hakuba again, it would be too soon!

"I can assure you, I drew much the same conclusion as you did, Toyama-san." Hakuba stated, placing a hand over his chest. "I simply lacked the evidence to prove it, which you beat me to finding. But it was splendid, your deduction."

 _Your_... ah, crap, in hindsight, he should probably do something about that, shouldn't he? He couldn't imagine that Kazuha would care that much for getting a reputation as a detective once they switched back- which would hopefully be _very soon_ , if his current plan worked out the way that he hoped.

"No, no, I really can't claim that much credit fer it." Heiji said, his gut churning just saying that. It was weird to be upset about it, seeing as he was basically giving _himself_ the credit, but as long as he wasn't the one in his own body, it still kind of sucked. "Like I said, I told Heiji about the case. I just did the legwork fer him."

...crap, he didn't seem convinced. Come to think of it, Otaki had been treating him a bit oddly throughout the case too- and he was watching him even now. He'd have to do something about that too, before things got even more complicated. The last thing he wanted was for word to get back to his father through him- or for that matter, _Kazuha's father_.

Out of the two, the one he was more afraid of was the latter.

"I believe you did more than just that, Toyama-san." For a moment, Heiji could have sworn he intended to take his hand again, but thankfully, it would seem that he thought better of it. "If you don't mind, I would very much like to invite you to tea, so that we might speak more at length."

And that was right about when Heiji's brain ground to a complete halt. Because while he had been accused of being dense, at the very least, he had confidence that he could tell when it was that people were hitting on him.

And right now, he was _definitely_ being hit on.

By _Hakuba Saguru_.

Who he couldn't stand.

Not to mention, he was already in love with someone! The reason why he had come to this place in the first place was to work out a strategy to confess to them! And even if that wasn't the case, just because he liked boys too, didn't mean that he didn't have _standards_ \- standards that Hakuba very much did not measure up to.

"Tea?" Heiji asked, taking half a step back, wondering how it was that Kazuha dealt with these kind of advances. He hadn't thought to ask. "I don't even know ya that well, Hakuba."

"I would very much like to get the chance to know you a bit better, Toyama-san." Hakuba said, taking a step forward to his step back. Some detective this guy was, if he couldn't even read his body language. "Hence my invitation."

This guy wasn't going to get the point unless he flatly told him otherwise, was he?

"Sorry, but no." Heiji stated simply. "I'm not interested."

And so help him, if he didn't take no for an answer, he was going to find another use for this purse Kazuha had him lugging around. He was going to make it his personal mission to find her some pants that had actual _pockets_ , before this all was over.

"Ah, well then..." Hakuba, perhaps sensing danger, wisely drew back. "...that's fair, I suppose. Do pardon me if I came off as overbearing."

"Ya did." Heiji said frankly, arching a brow. "So much fer bein' a detective, when ya can't even read a girl's body language."

He flinched at that- and good, he'd better. With that out of the way, Heiji pivoted on his heel, still fighting the vague urge to use one of the umbrellas in the stand as an improvised bokken. It might blow his identity in one fell swoop, but _man_ , would it be worth it.

"Anyways, I have plans, so I leave the rest of this ta you, Otaki-han!" With a wave of his hand, Heiji made a wise decision of his own- namely that it was time to make like a leaf, and well, _leave_.

As for the strange look that Otaki was giving him on the way out, well... he'd deal with that later. Provided he needed to. No matter what, he was going to have this confession plan go off without a hitch!

...or well, as much as it could, given that he was confessing to the girl he loved while he was in her own body. In that sense, he'd basically already failed step one.


End file.
